5 Good Suggestions for a Groundhog Day Without Phil
My wife, Kathleen, and I were married on Groundhog Day, but not because it’s our favorite holiday. We were married on 2/2/02, and today is our 22nd wedding anniversary. Therefore, I think this qualifies me to speak on this volatile subject.
It’s been a yearly tradition since the 1880s. I can’t say I’ve been around for all of them, but I can say that it’s time it ended. That’s what the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) said last week in a letter to rodent officials in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania.
A Brief History
Here’s a quick explanation for those who have been living in a hole like a groundhog. Groundhog Day is when Punxsutawney Phil and other groundhogs throughout the country emerge from their hole to provide an incorrect weather prediction.
The People’s Alternative Suggestion
PETA is suggesting that Phil and friends be retired and a gold coin flip should be used instead. The reasoning is that the odds of a correct prediction are the same as the hog. Come on, PETA! I may back you on this if you come up with a more creative idea.
Legend Has It
In 1993 Phil Connors shared an historical perspective, and his dismay toward the folks at Gobbler’s Knob. He said, “This is pitiful, a thousand people freezing their butts off waiting to worship a rat…Groundhog Day used to mean something in this town. They used to pull the hog out and they used to eat it.” Then he accused all of the townspeople of being hypocrites. He also berated his co-workers Larry and Rita. Needless to say, it was a very uncomfortable situation for all involved.
I don’t think we should go back to eating the little fella, but maybe we could propose some other options.
Possible Alternatives
For instance, we could consider dressing up a muskrat or a possum to look like a groundhog. Then no accusations of cruelty could be claimed regarding groundhogs.
Perhaps, instead of a groundhog, we could use Paul Giamatti or Bradley Cooper. They are both excellent actors and I believe either would be very convincing in the role.
Another is to do “eeney meeney miney moe” with a picture of winter snow and another of spring flowers. I’m leaning towards that one because I think it would be very exciting and fun.
I’ll continue, But You Don’t Have To
We choose two actual meteorologists with the poorest accuracy rates. They would then gnaw on each other until one surrenders. The winner would then be flipped like a coin.
I feel like I’m the only one providing any solutions here. Feel free to jump in at any time.
Lastly, maybe we could offer a compromise to PETA. We use their gold coin idea on Groundhog Day. However, moving forward, we use groundhogs to decide the start of NFL games.
Lastly (really this time), replace Phil with Chuck E. Cheese. There would be money from their sponsorship, pizza for the townspeople, and the kids could play games like “Whack-a-mole.” Or maybe “Whack-a-coin” would be a more humane choice.
The History of Groundhog Day & 6 Facts You May Not Have Known
