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Breathalyzer Toothbrush Coming Soon

Author Maryann Morgan
GERMANY, BONN - FEBRUARY 03: Symbol photo on the topics oral hygiene, tooth brush, teeth, brushing teeth, etc. The picture shows a teeth with a toothbrush. (Photo by Ulrich Baumgarten via Getty Images)

Hey there, all you cool cats and radio enthusiasts! Today, I’ve got something that’ll leave you grinning from ear to ear, even if your toothpaste foam is doing most of the grinning for you. It’s time to talk about the latest innovation that’s taking oral hygiene to the next level: the ‘Brushalyzer’! The Daily Mail says a new toothbrush, called the ‘Brushalyzer’, is being developed to help people determine if they are over the legal limit.

So, you wake up in the morning, feeling like you’ve been hit by a truckload of party vibes from last night. Your head is pounding, and you’re pretty sure that singing “Don’t Stop Believin'” at the top of your lungs was not a great idea. But worry not, because the ‘Brushalyzer’ is here to rescue you from the abyss of uncertainty!

That’s right, folks! The ‘Brushalyzer’ is not your average toothbrush. It’s the toothbrush of the future, designed for those nights when you’ve had just a little too much fun. And guess what? It’s got a built-in breathalyzer!

Imagine brushing your teeth, like you do every morning, but this time, you’re getting more than just minty fresh breath. You’re getting a verdict on your ability to legally operate a motor vehicle! The ‘Brushalyzer’ is like your personal dental detective, helping you solve the mystery of “Can I drive to work without getting pulled over?”

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “How does it work?” Well, it’s as simple as ABC (Alcohol Breath Check). You just brush like you normally do, and if you’re good to go, a green light and a gentle vibration will let you know it’s safe to hit the road. But if you’re still carrying some ‘party evidence’ in your breath, a red light will flash, and your ‘Brushalyzer’ will subtly vibrate to tell you, “Nope, call a cab!”

And here’s the kicker, folks – it’s not just for morning-after sobriety checks. The ‘Brushalyzer’ can also help you figure out if you’re still under the influence from the night before! That’s right, no more stumbling around your apartment wondering if you’re fit to face the world. Just grab your ‘Brushalyzer’, and it’ll give you the scoop!

But wait, there’s more! If you happen to be that friend who’s always lending your toothbrush to others (weird, but we won’t judge), the ‘Brushalyzer’ has got you covered. It’ll give your guests a quick sobriety check, ensuring your toothbrush remains in the hands of responsible brushers.

So, there you have it, folks – the ‘Brushalyzer’ is set to be your new best friend in the world of oral hygiene and responsible partying. No more breathalyzer tests on your car keys, no more guesswork. Just brush, breathe, and know whether you’re ready to roll or should stay in bed and nurse that hangover like a champion.

And for those of you wondering when you can get your hands on this fabulous invention, it’s expected to hit the market in 2024. Until then, remember to brush responsibly, and if you can’t remember, let the ‘Brushalyzer’ do the thinking for you!

That’s all for today, folks. Until next time, keep your teeth sparkling and your breathalyzer toothbrushes ready! Stay tuned for more wacky innovations right here on Magic 98.3.

Meet Maryann, who has been chasing magic since the early 90s. Back then, she hosted a love and dedication show at nights on Magic. Talk about romantic vibes! Since then, she traded her evening slot for mornings. When she’s not talking to you on the air, she’s living the glamorous life of a chicken, duck, pigeon, and German Short-Haired Pointer mom. Since Joel can never follow what she says, there is an entire feature called " What are you Talking About" at 9:10. Running is her secret to staying out of trouble – or at least staying ahead of the extra pounds. She has a husband named Matt, and a son named Zack, who she says makes her world a little adventure.

Ranking The 4 Best Hard Seltzers

Since Memorial Day I have been fortunate enough to attend a wedding, beachside barbeques, and neighborhood get-togethers. Though food options varied, I did notice hard seltzers were a common beverage. There were multiple brands, so I decided to rank the ones that I tried.

Bon & Viv Spiked Seltzer can be credited as the first official can to hit the shelves in 2013. Or you can go back to Zima as being a pioneer in this carbonated alcohol space. Nowadays, it seems like every brand has their own variation of spiked seltzer. With limited creativity in terms of flavor options (most people would prefer a simple pineapple flavor to a green apple, cherry, celery mashup any time), now certain beverage companies are swapping out the vodka mix for tequila. Furthermore, funny commercials and vibrant cans allow different marketing angles on seemingly similar drinks.

Speaking of marketing, a thinner can is often associated with containing a lower-calorie drink. A CNN  op-ed speculates that most hard seltzers are displayed in these taller, skinny cans to distinguish themselves in a crowded liquor store.

My Methodology

In creating this ranking of the best hard seltzers, there were certain criteria that I considered to be most important. Taste is a broad category. It was imperative here that the drink was smooth, did not contain a syrupy aftertaste and actually tasked like the flavor it suggests. Then, I looked at the overall “nutrition” facts. Finally, I’d ask myself a question: “Would I drink another one, or would I buy a case of this repeatedly?”

It’s important to note that I disqualified top beer brands. While I applaud their efforts for the attempt at entering the hip space, I have yet to find one where their best product was not actually their beer. Lastly, I am not a big fruit juice person. Nor do I typically like citrus mixed with alcohol. In this case, however, there are four hard seltzers where I find the fruit flavor enjoyable. My top choice here is now a brand that I do keep stocked in my cooler.

  • #4 Truly

    What I liked most about Truly is that they are accessible. Many festivals, concerts and sporting events carry Truly. So there is consistency. They seem to stay in their lane and always deliver on their flavors the distribute at mass-events, as opposed to trying to reinvent their options. There are 100 calories in a Truly and it’s 5% alcohol by volume. Selected flavor: Wild Berry.

     

    View this post on Instagram

     

    A post shared by Truly LA Tasting Room (@trulyla_)

  • #3 Wild Basin

    This is my favorite can of the bunch, but looks aren’t everything. Wild Basin certainly knows who they are visually, as their logo perfectly encapsulates the outdoor and chill vibe of hard seltzer. What holds them back is that they are not always easy to find in New England. Various liquor stores carry them, but not a ton of restaurants do. There are 100 calories in a Truly and it’s 5% alcohol by volume. Selected flavor: Lime Coconut (there’s good reason why this is part of their “paradise” mix pack.

     

    View this post on Instagram

     

    A post shared by Wild Basin (@wildbasinhardseltzer)

  • #2 White Claw

    This is my hard seltzer OG. Fun fact: when I google “White Claw” a sponsored Truly option is the first result to pop up. I love a little friendly seltzer competition. In full disclosure, I am a surfer and White Claw has done a tremendous job inserting their brand into that community. Their tagline of “those who bring the wave,” has worked well. They say they are “inspired by the power, purity and potential of ocean waves,” and so am I. This is a simple explanation that centers around the fact that when I drink a White Claw I always enjoy it. There are 100 calories in a Truly and it’s 5% alcohol by volume. Selected flavor: Black Cherry.

     

    View this post on Instagram

     

    A post shared by White Claw (@whiteclaw)

  • #1 High Noon

    There’s no complicated answer here. It has the best taste, is refreshing, and the brand I select when given the option. I like how you feel like carbonation base as opposed to fruit flavor completely taking over. That’s when I get suspicious of artificial additives. High Noon seems to have mastered the recipe of a natural fruit juice percentage to alcohol. Their new tequila seltzers are consistently enjoyable as well. There’s a slight dip in alcohol volume at 4.5%, but it too has 100 calories. Selected flavor: Watermelon.

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Author Maryann Morgan
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